


(don't) burn your bridges

by steponherneck (gangbangs)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Florist AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gangbangs/pseuds/steponherneck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>between the magnolias and cacti, there's lu han, undeterred and terribly insistent. florist au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(don't) burn your bridges

Kyungsoo sets the bouquet aside, tucking the hand-written card within the flowers. The vase was taller than what Kyungsoo usually did, but the buyer had insisted on 36 long-stem roses, one for every year he’d been married. Kyungsoo had thought that was sweet, assuring the man he’d figure everything out, that he wouldn’t let him down. He’d add the finishing touches later, closer to the actual delivery. Maybe a bow around the vase. Minseok wouldn’t be getting there until noon anyway. Kyungsoo glances at the old, wooden cuckoo clock set above the back door of his shop, a gift given to him by his grandmother. The hour hand strikes eleven, the little baby blue bird popping out. Kyungsoo counts the number of times the bird exits its house, glad that he had removed the battery to prevent the loud, cuckooing sound.

He still needs to go through the orchids that were delivered in the morning, and place them into proper pots, maybe the ceramic ones this time. The clay pots are nice, but a little plain.

The sound of his scissors clattering to the ground masks the chime of the bells at his front door. Kyungsoo nearly drops them again in surprise when he finds a man, dark hair swept back, looking around curiously, standing by the front door. The business suit is a little amiss in Kyungsoo’s shop, even a little strange on the man whose features are soft: pixyish nose, twinkling eyes, the edge of his cheekbones masked by the roundness of his face. Kyungsoo stands up straight, throwing away the mess of leaves and cut stems he has in front of him.

“Welcome to Fleurish Flowers. How may I help you?” Kyungsoo smiles, the cordial one he reserves for customers and busybody relatives. Sometimes Sehun.

“Hi,” the man replies, and Kyungsoo stills. The customer’s smile is effortlessly pleasant, kind in a way Kyungsoo has only ever thought of Chanyeol’s. For a split-second he doesn’t know what to do, blanking out, before his common sense kicks in.

“Pardon me?” Kyungsoo asks, guilty that he had missed the request put forward by the customer, but the man doesn’t seem to care, still grinning as he looks around the shop. His fingers trail over an arrangement of roses and lilies Kyungsoo had put together late last night. The customer’s thumb caresses a few rose petals carefully before dropping from the arrangement altogether.

“I wanted to get my friend a graduation bouquet.” Kyungsoo doesn’t question why, simply nods, heading over to display of bouquets he always keeps by the front window of the shop.

“Does your friend have a favourite colour?” Kyungsoo asks, dropping the scissors in his hand into the pocket of his apron. He glances back at the customer, only to find him mere centimeters away, the distance too close for Kyungsoo’s liking. He’s caught off guard, eyes widening disproportionately. If Chanyeol were here, he’d be laughing at the comical look on Kyungsoo’s features. The man, however, tilts his head to the right, an action reminiscent of a child, smile unfaltering. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to offend him, turning quickly and shuffling away as discreetly as possible.

“He likes red,” the customer answers. “But I’m pretty sure he’d like anything, really. He likes flowers.”

Kyungsoo reaches to pluck out a bouquet of red lilies and gerberas, four red roses placed at symmetrical points within the arrangement. It’s one of the shop’s best sellers and Kyungsoo’s quite fond of it himself. “Will this be okay?”

The man smiles pleasantly, eyes crinkling at the corners, aging him a few years. Kyungsoo can’t quite pinpoint how old he could be, not that it’s any of his concern anyways. He takes the bouquet from Kyungsoo’s hands, fingers brushing against Kyungsoo’s, warm. Bringing the bouquet to his nose, he breathes in, quite content. It’s almost a big unnerving, how happy he seems, but he’s polite, and Kyungsoo always appreciates that.

“I love it, thank you,” he grins, smoothing out a leaf or two in the bouquet, eyes sparkling as they glance back up to Kyungsoo.

“Did you want me to wrap it for you?” Kyungsoo asks, motioning to the cellophane sitting on his front counter.

“I’m giving it to him in an hour, he’ll probably just ruin all your hard work,” he says, with a shake of his head.

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo asks, hesitant. “It’s not as though it would be more trouble.”

“I’m good, really,” he smiles. It reminds Kyungsoo a little of Junmyeon, the softness. Kyungsoo makes a note to call his old friend sometime, have a cup of coffee with him or something.

Kyungsoo motions for them to go toward the counter, leading the way until he reaches his cash register. He rings in the bouquet, gives the man a small discount in hopes that he might recommend the shop to his acquaintances. His mother had always told him that a few won here and there wouldn’t hurt; it was always better to be kind. Kyungsoo thinks she’d been too kind.

The man hands him a credit card, wallet dangling from one hand, the bouquet in the other. Kyungsoo swipes it through his debit machine, noticing that the name on the card wasn’t written in Hangul.

“I’m Chinese.” Surprised, Kyungsoo glances up, but the man is still smiling. Kyungsoo’s not sure why he would mention private information like that, it’s not as though he would have asked.

“Are you new to Korea?” Kyungsoo asks, attempting small conversation. He had always excelled at it; Chanyeol told him he it was his easy-going nature but as far as Kyungsoo knew, he wasn’t all that charming.

“Not really, I used to travel a lot between here and China,” he answers, taking the card back from Kyungsoo. He has to place his wallet on the counter before struggling to squeeze the card in. Kyungsoo wonders if he should offer his help but thinks better of it. “But I recently moved here permanently.”

“That must lighten the burden of having to travel so much.” Kyungsoo smiles, offering a receipt to the man. The customer shakes his head, slipping his wallet into his back pocket.

“It feels good to have a home.” His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, a look of near defeat. How strange.

“Anyways! I should get going, can’t be late for Tao’s graduation, he’ll eat me,” he laughs and Kyungsoo smiles, something a bit more genuine. Sadness was something he was quite used to, the way it lingered around the edges of everything. Kyungsoo misses seeing everything in colour.

“Thank you for shopping at Fleurish Flowers, have a good day. I hope your friend likes the flowers.” Kyungsoo bows, the motion returned by the man but as he straightens out his eyes catch the potted magnolias sitting along the back of the store. Kyungsoo follows the man’s eyes to the large white one, Kyungsoo’s favourite.

“They’re a little troublesome to grow,” Kyungsoo comments, wondering if that was where the man’s thoughts were headed.

“The picture in the window, your logo, that’s the flower, right?” he asks, eyes drifting between the window and the flowers. Kyungsoo nods, glancing up at the artificial lights he had placed over the magnolias. The small trees were getting bigger than he expected and if he couldn’t sell them soon, he’d have to move them out of the shop.

“I’ll…Thanks, for your help.” By the time Kyungsoo turns around to look back, he’s gone.

The chimes on the door tinkle softly, a song something like the man’s smile. Pleasant.

 

✿

 

Kyungsoo never finished university, dropping out his third year when his mother’s breast cancer relapsed. She’d undergone a mastectomy, but the cancer had spread faster than the doctors could have anticipated, moving to her lungs. The funeral had been small. Had Chanyeol not been at his side then, Kyungsoo’s not sure where he’d be right now. Definitely not running the small shop his mother had always treated like her third child.

Since then, his father had moved in with his older brother and his family. Kyungsoo visited them on Chuseok, New Year’s, but Daegu was far and try as he might, Kyungsoo couldn’t bear the thought of closing down his mother’s shop. Going back to school had been pointless afterwards, and Kyungsoo, despite his previous animosity toward the shop that stole his teenage afternoons, took over.

Everything had been pretty quiet since his mother’s passing, even Kyungsoo’s heartbeat felt like it wasn’t there. The knowledge that she’d never sweep back his hair or scold him for not dressing warmly left him empty, as if someone had cracked him open and drained everything on the inside out.

 

✿

 

Normally, the mornings weren’t very busy. Kyungsoo spent them filling in orders he’d received, (thankfully there were always enough that he was occupied) or going over inventory to place his next order. Shipments of flowers were easy, but making sure he didn’t run out of supplies less so. Somehow he always felt like he used up things a lot faster than he had. One moment there was a thick stack of tissue paper, the next he had just enough to last him until the next day.

He had a bit of a knack for staying organised, and really it was something he was grateful for, something he liked best about himself. Kyungsoo never dilly dallied. Sometimes he lingered around his mother’s office desk, in the back, the one Kyungsoo had left perfectly sound. The family picture she kept on the corner of her desk was still there, Kyungsoo dusted it every other day, and the elephants she used as paperweights were all lined up, exactly as she’d left them. It was silly, of course, but Kyungsoo’s heart was a little weak, his shoulders a little burdened.

Today, Kyungsoo is staring at a model arrangement for a wedding. A couple had come in the day before, wanting a mixture of dahlias, Queen Anne’s lace, and roses. He’d placed them in a vase made of china, keeping to the elegant theme. The couple wasn’t meant to come in until the afternoon, but Kyungsoo preferred to be done.

Lost in his thoughts, he barely registers the clinking of the chimes, glancing up only when the door rattles as it hits the frame. The day is windier than usual; Kyungsoo had felt underdressed when he’d walked the few blocks to the store from his apartment, cheeks burning from the cold.

It’s the same guy from yesterday, except he’s in a light jacket this time, collar tugged up to cover his ears. Kyungsoo usually found that sort of thing unattractive but he lets it slide, the twinkle in the man’s eyes oddly heart-warming.

“Hey,” he smiles, blowing into his hands. The tips of his ears are a bit red, and while September is usually slow to grind into the coolness of winter coming, this year seemed different. As if everything were imminent.

“Hello again,” Kyungsoo greets, bowing, a little unsure what to do with the baby’s breath in his hands. He wonders if he should enquire about the flowers, but he isn’t entirely sure why this guy’s shown up again. The thought that maybe something had gone wrong with the flowers strikes him and there’s a flash of panic in his chest, but he quells it immediately. Why would he be smiling if something had gone wrong?

“This is a little weird, I guess,” the guy laughs, and Kyungsoo definitely finds him peculiar. His voice is pretty though, doesn’t grate. He hums for a second, looking a little hesitant, hands fisted into balls at his sides, a quick rock on the pads of his feet before he straightens out. “I’m Lu Han.”

Kyungsoo quirks up an eyebrow but plays along, reaching to shake Lu Han’s hand. “Kyungsoo.”

“Kyungsoo,” Lu Han repeats, handshake firm and Kyungsoo’s not sure why he expected something different, if maybe he thought he threw Lu Han off. Somehow that brings a smile to his lips, just to the corners, fleeting. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

Blinking, and perhaps rather confused, Kyungsoo nods, mute. It takes him a moment to grasp the situation, almost as if Chanyeol’s dragged him off to meet one of his overly friendly friends and left him to fend for himself. “Uh, likewise.”

Lu Han laughs, the sound cluttering around Kyungsoo’s shop, reverberating around the room until it settles on Kyungsoo’s skin like an echo. He’s not sure what’s so funny.

“You’re cute,” Lu Han grins, hand slipping out of Kyungsoo’s grasp and fuck if Kyungsoo is blushing, heat burning at the tips of his ears. He doesn’t like how this whole conversation is slipping further and further away from him into the hands of this stranger.

“I really just came by to say thank you.” Lu Han adds it on like an after thought, still looking entirely too pleased with himself. “My friend really liked the bouquet.”

“I-I’m glad.” The stutter is unexpected. Kyungsoo doesn’t stutter, but his chest’s gotten all tight, blood pounding in his ears as if he’s just run a marathon. Kyungsoo is lazy, hates physical activity, doesn’t like how Lu Han is soft around the edges.

“Um,” Lu Han starts, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I was wondering if you had any recommendations. I wanted to keep some flowers at my desk.”

This Kyungsoo could handle, this he knew but the way he simultaneously wanted to maybe punch Lu Han in the face and hide under his cash counter, he didn’t. “Did you have any preferences?”

“Not really,” Lu Han answers. “I’m pretty clueless about flowers.”

Kyungsoo has to bite his tongue, wanting to add in some other things Lu Han’s clueless about, like personal space and not saying weird things to people he barely knew. Instead he offers, “Orchids are quite popular.”

Lu Han follows Kyungsoo to a shelf along the left hand side of the store, pausing behind Kyungsoo, too close once again. Kyungsoo inches away, breathes easier when there’s about a foot of space between then and he can’t feel Lu Han’s breath puffing out, hot against the back of his neck.

There’s a studious pout on his lips, which, in all honesty, Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to deal with. “They look kinda like aliens. Or like they might eat me if I don’t keep watch over them.”

Kyungsoo laughter is loud, slightly embarrassing but the look of naive confusion on Lu Han’s face, innocent blink of his eyes only adds fuel to the fire. The last time he’d heard anything as absurd was when --

Nevermind.

Pulling himself together, Kyungsoo bites down on his lip, finally letting out a deep breath. “Maybe you’d do better with some tulips. Something pretty.”

“Are you implying something?” Lu Han asks suspiciously but Kyungsoo only smirks, picking out a bunch of tulips, bright yellow like the morning sun.

“They don’t last very long, about a week, really,” Kyungsoo warns. “But they’re warm and springy.”

“Hmm, so I’d have to come back soon to get some more, right?” Lu Han takes the tulips out of Kyungsoo’s hand, a look of self-satisfaction on his face. Kyungsoo’s not sure he likes it much, eyeing him warily.

“Don’t you want me to be your regular customer, Kyungsoo-sshi,” Lu Han whines, pouting. Kyungsoo feels bewildered, as if he’s back in highschool and some girl’s trying to get his attention by baking him cakes he could make better versions of himself. He’d always been soft-hearted, but Kyungsoo knew he was grumpy and had the soul of a bitter, old man. Junmyeon only liked him because of it.

“I only want your money,” Kyungsoo says truthfully, biting back the grin Lu Han’s crestfallen expression attempts to bring forth.

By the time Lu Han leaves, Kyungsoo’s gotten a good 40,000 won off of him for the flowers and the glass vase he has to buy to put them in. A good deal, if you ask Kyungsoo.

 

✿

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jongdae interrupts, in the middle of Kyungsoo’s retelling, bits of rice stuck to the corners of his mouth. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, leaning forward to wipe them away before waiting for whatever nonsensical comment Jongdae just _had_ to make. “It sounds like he was _flirting_ with you.”

Kyungsoo stares at Jongdae as deadpan as he can, only shifting his gaze when Jongdae visibly squirms, making a whining sound in the back of his throat. “Why, exactly, would he be flirting with me?”

Jongdae looks at him incredulously before flapping his arms about. It’s reminiscent of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo wishes he could see him, but the added appendage of Sehun’s existence was enough of a turn off. Kyungsoo _is_ a bitter, old man, after all. “Uh, because who could resist your tiny shoulders and murderous glares.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t even feel bad when his foot collides with Jongdae’s shin harder than he had intended, smiling in satisfaction at the loud whelping sound Jongdae lets out. It’s to Jongdae’s credit that he just shrugs it off, grinning through it like a damned brat.

“But really,” Jongdae insists. “I think he was flirting. I think, he likes you.”

“I didn’t tell you about him so you could share your stupid ideas with me,” Kyungsoo says dryly, taking a piece of the gamja jorim. For once, Jongdae had offered to cook their weekly meals, his apartment small and cramped. At least he had heated floors. There wasn’t a lot of money to be made as a teacher but Jongdae had only ever cared about music for as long as Kyungsoo knew him. Teaching music was perfect.

“Then why did you tell,” Jongdae snips, stuffing his face with bulgogi, despite the mouthful of rice. Kyungsoo always thought he ate obscenely but watching Jongdae eat was reassuring. He couldn’t possibly be that bad.

“I thought it was weird.” Kyungsoo shrugs, not quite sure why he mentioned it himself. He didn’t waste so much time pondering over strangers but there was a niggling feeling in his gut that he hadn’t seen the last of Lu Han.

 

✿

 

The thing about Kyungsoo was that he barely ever liked anyone, didn’t find people’s features to be all that attractive until he was already in too deep and didn’t know how to stop himself from finding their goofy, too big ears cute and endearing. The thing about Kyungsoo was that by the time he figured out why his stomach fluttered every time Chanyeol flung an arm around his shoulder or burrowed his head into Kyungsoo’s stomach, it was too late.

Timing had never been on Kyungsoo’s side. There was the whole tragic backstory and then there was the sharp, stabbing pain in his heart when he thought about Chanyeol introducing Sehun to him for the first time.

Kyungsoo had always steered clear of excessive alcohol consumption, but that night he’d sat in a pojangmacha and drank himself into a stupor. If it wasn’t for Jongdae, he’d probably have slept on the street somewhere, like an over-stressed, struggling business man. Except Kyungsoo owned a flower shop, and didn’t work in the starting ranks of a multi-billion dollar conglomerate.

The thing about Kyungsoo was that he had built walls around himself ever since he’d been young, careful about who he gave his heart to, always so careful and even then, he’d fucked up.

 

✿

 

“Are you avoiding me?”

Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to say hi, the whining lilt of his voice twisting Kyungsoo’s stomach until it feels like everything is upside down. The beginnings of a headache form behind his left eye, dull throbs that Kyungsoo knows will expand until they hit like a gong every split-second.

“What?” Kyungsoo grumbles, throwing his comforter off of him. He stands up slowly, palm pressing down on his left eye, praying that maybe it would go away on it’s own. Wishful thinking, really.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” Chanyeol laughs and it’s seven in the morning. Kyungsoo doesn’t actually have to be up until eight. He’s too old for this shit. “I just haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“So you decided to call me at seven in the fucking morning?” Kyungsoo asks, not holding back. Jongdae hadn’t said anything last night but he never really had to. Kyungsoo knew what he’d meant when he’d shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about how he shouldn’t live like this.

Kyungsoo just didn’t know how to tell him that maybe he wouldn’t have gotten through his mother’s death if Chanyeol hadn’t been there to sit with him so many nights in a row, rocking Kyungsoo back and forth, endlessly apologising as if it were somehow his fault. Kyungsoo’s eyes had been permanently sunken in, the look of zombie-like tiredness ugly, and for months he hadn’t bothered eating anything unless Chanyeol shoved it down his throat for him. Everything had gone to shit and now, in the year that had passed since Sehun had come into the picture, everything still felt like shit.

“Someone’s grumpy,” Chanyeol mumbles, the deep ring of his voice settling into the cracks between his ribs, humming. “I’ll swing by the shop today, alright? You can punch me in the face.”

“Sounds good,” Kyungsoo yawns, ending the call before he could say something dumb like how he missed Chanyeol’s annoyingly loud laugh.

 

✿

 

Kyungsoo makes it to the shop half an hour before open, slightly moody. The line up at the Starbucks had been too long and even though he knew it would have only taken about fifteen minutes to get his Americano, he hadn’t felt like waiting. Kyungsoo was sick of waiting.

His window display looks good though, morning sun shining down on the peonies and daffodils. He needs to call the window cleaner, maybe attempt the job himself depending on how he felt around noon. The weather had eased up a little, and Kyungsoo’s thankful for the extra day of summer warmth.

He’s just closing the front door when he hears the knock. Looking back, Kyungsoo is almost unsurprised to find Lu Han, two Starbucks cups in one hand. Kyungsoo points to the closed sign, eyebrow raised and pretends to turn away, snickering at the sad shout of his name being called through the glass.

Kyungsoo opens the door with a blank expression, maybe bordering a little on unimpressed. “Are you stalking me? You know, I can issue a trespassing notice against you.”

“That would be pretty heart-breaking,” Lu Han sniffles, an act if Kyungsoo knows any better. There’s something a little exciting about this, in a way that Kyungsoo is entirely unprepared for. Kyungsoo’s never liked surprises, so he’s not sure why he’s not nearly as irritated anymore. “I even brought you coffee.”

“How do I know that’s safe to drink?” Kyungsoo inquires but he’s already stepped aside to let Lu Han in.

“You don’t,” Lu Han tells him somberly. “But I promise I’m not trying to kill you to harvest your organs.”

“What’re you even doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, locking the door. At the back of his head, Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol is supposed to be coming and for some reason, he doesn’t really want Chanyeol to meet Lu Han. Kyungsoo frowns, distaste filling his mouth as he thinks about the implications of that.

God, he needed to get rid of his heart or something. This wasn’t working for him.

“I had time on my way to work,” Lu Han answers, placing the coffee on the front counter. Kyungsoo watches him struggle with pulling the cups out of the recycled cup holder, stiff material giving only millimeters with every wiggle of the cup. Upon succeeding, Lu Han grins victoriously, offering the cup to Kyungsoo.

“Do you always act this friendly with everyone?” Despite the remark, Kyungsoo takes the proffered cup of coffee, hoping that it was black. He takes a sip and is pleased to find that it is. The warm rush down his esophagus isn’t supposed to make his cheeks flush, but if Lu Han notices he makes no indication.

“Why? Did you want to feel special?” The smirk Lu Han flashes him is grating as much as it is dismaying, Kyungsoo quite affronted by his own actions. What in god’s name was he doing?

“I’m not the one bringing coffee to a guy I met two days ago,” Kyungsoo reminds, the absurdity of all this not lost on him.

“But you’re drinking the coffee,” Lu Han sing songs, far too happy. Kyungsoo can’t grasp why he would be, but the flutter in his chest is uncalled for.

“Don’t you have work?”

Lu Han nods his head, gulping down whatever’s in his cup. Kyungsoo wonders how Lu Han likes his coffee, then tells himself to knock it the fuck off. He can’t remember the last time he’s acted so ridiculously.

“I don’t really have to go to the office,” Lu Han says, leaning against the counter. Kyungsoo has a million things to do. A shipment is supposed to be coming in from the Byun’s greenhouse and yet here he is, with some stranger, dare he say, flirting.

“So you are an organ harvester.”

Lu Han nearly spits out his coffee, doubling over, and Kyungsoo doesn’t think it’s _that_ funny but it’s nice all the same. He’s never really been the funny one, not when his group of friends consisted of Jongdae and Chanyeol. Not that he ever cared to be but Lu Han is about as attractive a laugher as Jongdae is in a halter top. Chanyeol was always good at getting them to do stupid shit.

Kyungsoo glances at the clock, realising it’s nearly nine. He has to open the shop in five minutes and Chanyeol could pop up anytime.

“I should get going.” Lu Han shoots him a smile, and Kyungsoo doesn’t ever describe things as dazzling but he sort of has to make an exception this time. “I hope you enjoy your coffee.”

“Thanks, for, you know,” Kyungsoo says, waving the coffee cup in his hand at Lu Han. _Eloquent, as always, Do Kyungsoo._

Strangely enough, Lu Han doesn’t seem to mind the awkwardness, still smiling at Kyungsoo stupidly. Maybe he wasn’t all there, maybe he really was an organ harvester. The times were tough. “I’ll, I’ll come by tomorrow, yeah?”

Kyungsoo wants to say no, wants to stop this now but he finds himself nodding, returning the smile. “That’d be nice.”

The warmth in his heart is short-lived, Lu Han’s retreating back vanishing in Chanyeol’s silhouette as he side steps Chanyeol by the door, making a right and disappearing. Chanyeol strains his neck, looking back at Lu Han before waggling his eyebrows at Kyungsoo. “Who was that, Soo?”

“Don’t call me that,” Kyungsoo warns, putting his coffee down on the counter and finally heading toward the back room. Chanyeol trails after him like an obedient puppy, always looking to Kyungsoo for direction. Despite that, Kyungsoo’s pretty sure Chanyeol’s done more for him. There’s that heart-wrenching feeling, the one that feels like he’s been hit by an eighteen wheeler.

For most of his life, Kyungsoo’s never had to feel dependent on someone, never needed help getting by. In fact, Kyungsoo had a tendency to mother everyone else, always fretting, worry getting better of him. Junmyeon had called him a mother hen once, and laughed himself silly, thinking his joke was funny. Kyungsoo’s not sure why he attracts all the losers.

“You’re so grumpy. “ Chanyeol sounds affectionate, ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair as he finally catches up. Kyungsoo doesn’t shove him away, like he would any other person. There’s a lot Chanyeol gets away with.

“How’s work?” Kyungsoo asks, diverting the conversation to a topic he feels better about. Kyungsoo has a feeling Chanyeol isn’t just here to catch up, not when his life is consumed by the hospital and Sehun.

“Great! I think Heechul’s finally warming up to me. He told me yesterday that I wasn’t the complete waste of oxygen he thought I was.” Kyungsoo wants to ask Chanyeol why this is such an achievement but Chanyeol was a little smitten with Heechul, maybe looked up to him more than he should.

“Do you have a day off today?” Maybe Kyungsoo needs to stop thinking the worst of people, as if Chanyeol wouldn’t make time for him. Guilt weighs his stomach down, and suddenly the coffee feels acidic as it burns at his gut.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol begins, pausing to examine the picture of Kyungsoo’s mother sitting on the corner of his desk. “Mmm, remember how I was telling you about Sunyoung? Well, she might finally get to go home this Christmas.”

“The leukemia’s in remission?” Kyungsoo knows why Chanyeol went into pediatrics, he has the legacy of his forefathers to uphold but Kyungsoo also knows that this hadn’t been Chanyeol’s first choice. It amazes him that Chanyeol can be so positive about it despite having his dreams crushed by an expectant father.

“If treatment holds, yeah,” Chanyeol grins, and Kyungsoo realises why Chanyeol’s here. Why he called at seven in the morning, why it was important to tell Kyungsoo all of this. Sunyoung was Chanyeol’s first patient, and she’d never shown any sign of improvement but the possibility that she’d get to go home, that Chanyeol had done something right, that was important.

“You’re a fucking hero,” Kyungsoo laughs, and Chanyeol’s eyes are misty even if the joy stretching his mouth from ear to ear tells otherwise. He hugs Chanyeol without thinking, tells himself that Chanyeol is his best friend first, everything else second, and damn if he isn’t going to be happy about this for him.

 

✿

 

“Are cacti your favourite plant?” Lu Han asks, his legs swinging back and forth as he sits on the stool Kyungsoo’s given him.

“Why? Just because I’m prickly, doesn’t mean I like prickly things,” Kyungsoo answers. He cuts off some of the dying leaves on the snake’s plant he has on a display in the center of the shop, a relatively well seller.

“That’s true, I’m not prickly at all.” Kyungsoo can hear the loud grin on Lu Han’s face, the daring of one man. He throws a snipped off leaf in his direction, still upset by how easy Lu Han is making this. Lu Han’s chortling laughter should be annoying. It isn’t.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Kyungsoo reminds him. Lu Han’s been showing up every morning, coffee in one hand, earnest desire to keep Kyungsoo’s attention in the other. Kyungsoo isn’t entirely sure what to do with this, and telling Jongdae had only resulted in excessive cooing about how Kyungsoo had an admirer.

There’s something strangely genuine about Lu Han, despite the strong hold he keeps over his emotions. Everything is surface value, except perhaps the big smiles, the ones he can’t seem to keep at bay around Kyungsoo. In a way, Kyungsoo can relate, knows the danger of letting his feelings get ahead of himself. He doesn’t want to be left behind at the finish line again.

Still, it’s strange to find himself having coffee every morning with a guy who just keeps coming back, as if there’s something to gain. Jongdae’s voice sing songs in his head _He liiiikes you_ but Kyungsoo pushes the thought away.

“What is your favourite plant then?” Lu Han inquires, head bopping up and down to some imaginary tune. He looks like a child and that isn’t working in Kyungsoo’s favour.

“Magnolias,” he answers. There was no point hiding the fact. They’d always been his favourite, he had two growing back in his own apartment, the strong scent covering the landscape. For Kyungsoo, it was weider when the didn’t have the small comfort of the sweet lemon scent lulling him to sleep.

Kyungsoo’s mother had selected them for the logo specifically because they’d been his favourite. She had always liked buttercups more.

Lu Han hums, and at Kyungsoo’s glance back at him he smiles sweetly. Kyungsoo’s almost positive he already knew the answer to his own question, but he doesn’t say anything. A quick check on the time tells him it’s almost time to open shop. He still needed to change the water in a number of buckets and water the all the potted plants.

“How about you make yourself helpful?” Lu Han, who’s in a sweater a little too big for him and jeans today because he wasn’t going into the office, blinks innocently in his direction. Kyungsoo thought he could get used to that. Bending people to his will was his favourite hobby, after all.

“Doing what?”

“Help me water the flowers,” Kyungsoo explains, handing Lu Han a watering can. It’s empty, as Lu Han demonstrates when he shakes it in his hand pointlessly. “There’s a sink in the back.”

“Am I being paid for my employment services?” Lu Han inquires, looking at Kyungsoo expectantly, a little haughty. “I am the one who brings you coffee every morning.”

“I never asked you to,” Kyungsoo remarks, smiling sweetly, perhaps with the intention of overkill. Lu Han’s like a candle being put out, pouting before Kyungsoo can even laugh. He pats his cheek, regretting it almost immediately afterwards, the jolt of electricity running down his arm short-circuiting his heart. The loud thud of his heart restarting has him nearly blushing, pulling away until he’s at the door, unlocking it. “You can be my apprentice. Free knowledge.”

“You mean slave labour,” Lu Han calls, already disappearing to the back. He returns with his watering can full, and Kyungsoo waves to the potted violets and kalanchoes on display near the front of the store.

He gets started on changing the water, taking a bucket of tulips to the back with him. They work in relative silence, and it’s kind of nice, having someone else’s presence there with him. Kyungsoo didn’t really have the money to hire someone to work for him, so he’d never bothered to hire anyone but the idea lingers with him. He’d make a pros and cons list later, calculate the costs.

He’s at the sink dumping out the water from a bucket of cut roses, when someone presses into him, startling Kyungsoo. He nearly drops the bucket, Lu Han’s small snicker irritating, fingers tickling Kyungsoo’s sides. Lu Han doesn’t bother to shift away, arm burning against Kyungsoo’s back through two layers of cotton and wool. For a flashing second, Kyungsoo wonders what Lu Han would feel like with nothing there, but he chases the thought away just as quickly, terrified.

“You know, you should hire someone if it’s this much work running the shop,” Lu Han comments, stealing the tap to fill in his watering can. Kyungsoo’s breath feels like glue stuck to the sides of his throat, and it makes him angry.

“Are you offering to be my actual apprentice?” Kyungsoo doesn’t bother shifting away, knows from the week Lu Han’s been visiting that he’s horrible at figuring out personal space, always clinging, following Kyungsoo around like a sunflower tracing the sun through the sky.

Lu Han laughs, the reverberation runs through Kyungsoo like water washing over his skin, absorbed and locked up. “Who’s gonna do my job?”

“You can work two, can’t you?” Kyungsoo teases; he’s in over his head, lost in foreign woods, trying to find a way out. “What do you do, anyway? You never mentioned.”

“Oh, do you actually want to know something about me? How nice,” Lu Han smiles, again pleased and there’s a tint of pink in his cheeks, all the more flattering. Kyungsoo can’t believe himself. “I’m a translator, for a publishing company. Chinese to Korean, Korean to Chinese.”

“No wonder your Korean’s so good.”

“Is it?” Lu Han whispers it, sounding almost shy. Kyungsoo hasn’t heard anything like this from him, not even the early hesitancy was quite so...charming. Not that Lu Han should be seeking out Kyungsoo’s approval, of all things.

“I’m pretty sure being a translator means it’s good, with or without my input,” Kyungsoo says, finally filling up the bucket in his own hands. He moves away from Lu Han, grabbing the roses to slip them back into the fresh, cold water.

Kyungsoo thinks it’s awful that he can tell he probably stole Lu Han’s smile, but he’s not really supposed to be so invested in some guy he met a little over a week ago. His life feels a little like it’s trapped in some horrible romantic drama where he waddles between his own issues and the bright promise of something _more_ in Lu Han’s eyes.

 

✿

 

“How’s our favourite customer?” Jongdae asks, slurping his noodles, and really Kyungsoo should be disgusted but he isn’t even fazed. “What favourite customer?” Kyungsoo didn’t have time to cook them something proper tonight, running late after some fancy Seoul socialite called him half an hour to close requesting an elaborate centerpiece for her dinner tonight. It was to Kyungsoo’s great luck that Minseok was the nicest guy on the planet and had agreed to deliver the arrangement. Nevermind the two hours it took him to put everything together. Which was why they were eating ramyun instead of the samgyeopsal sitting in his fridge. “Tiny, cute Kyungsoo, don’t lie to me about your melty, gooey feelings, okay,” Jongdae says condescendingly. Kyungsoo’s not sure when he got so smug but the well aimed elbow to his gut has him nearly keening over in his seat. They’re watching some rerun of _Queen In-hyun’s Man_ , Jongdae’s favourite drama. Kyungsoo doesn’t usually have time for watching anything, the tv sitting in his apartment mostly unused. “You can’t just murder everyone because they’re a little interested in your love life,” Jongdae reasons, giving Kyungsoo a concentrated look of concern. “Are you sure about that?” “Kyungsoo-ah, I love you, you know.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, smiling. “Why don’t you tell me about your love life? How’re things trying to get into Kim Jongin’s pants?” “Ugh, don’t even talk to me about him,” Jongdae grumbles, sinking into his seat. Kyungsoo can almost see the dark cloud of rain hovering over his head. “Not good then, I take it.” “Your skills of deduction are mindblowing, Kyungsoo-sshi. You should be a detective not a florist,” Jongdae says with exaggeration, the look of pinched misery on his face softening Kyungsoo’s heart. Kyungsoo lets it slide, patting Jongdae’s head as it lands on Kyungsoo’s shoulder gloomily. “I’m glad though,” he says, almost like an afterthought. “Hmm?” Kyungsoo stretches to put his empty bowl on the table in front of him, not wanting to take away Jongdae’s pillow. “Nothing, nothing,” Jongdae responds, looping their arms together. Jongdae had always been excessively clingy and somewhere along the line, Kyungsoo had given into that. Persistence always seemed to create cracks in his wall of stubbornness. 

 

✿

 

A year, in all respects, is a long time. Kyungsoo’s not sure what he’s so hung up over, if maybe he’s just clinging to the past, clinging to the what ifs and what could have beens. It’s stupid, by all accounts, and Kyungsoo hates that, but he hasn’t known anything else.

He also doesn’t feel so great about how big of a dick he’s been to Sehun, but sometimes the bitterness won, and Kyungsoo’s mother had always told him that the feelings of other’s were important but that his own came first. He wishes she were still here, wishes he could have someday introduced someone to her, and told her they completed him. Instead, he’d sat by her hospital bed, holding back tears when she’d stroked his cheek tenderly and told him she knew. That it was okay.

It wasn’t fair. Nothing was.

 

✿

 

“When did you decide that this was what you wanted to do?” Lu Han asks him one day, out of the blue, while he helps Kyungsoo with the watering again. Kyungsoo hasn’t asked him for help since the first day, Lu Han having picked up on Kyungsoo’s routine from watching him alone. It’s a point in his favour, how well he acclimates to the atmosphere, how well he worms his way in.

It’s been nearly a month of this, a long courtship, if Jongdae’s assessment were to be taken seriously. Kyungsoo wants to ask Lu Han what he’s still doing here but Lu Han’s either worked Kyungsoo out or is much, _much_ shier than he appears. Kyungsoo likes the latter theory more.

“The shop isn’t mine,” Kyungsoo answers. He’s not sure he’ll ever call it just his, not when he wants his mother’s touch to linger within the four walls for as long as he can keep it there.

“Wait, you work for someone else?” Lu Han’s surprised, pausing in his efforts to trim some of the branches off the magnolia tree he’s working on.

“No,” Kyungsoo replies, wondering why this didn’t feel awful. Everyone avoided the topic of his mother with him, Kyungsoo kept away from it, too. For some reason, he wants to tell Lu Han, despite how weird it feels. “It was my mother’s. It _is_ my mother’s.”

Lu Han says nothing, the elephant in the room growing bigger and bigger by the second. Finally, and Kyungsoo’s not sure how, he’s right next to Kyungsoo, the trimmers in his hand settling next to Kyungsoo’s hands on the counter. He has small hands, smaller than Kyungsoo’s, which is somehow comforting, even if he has a few inches on Kyungsoo. But they’re nice to look at, veins running up from the backs of his palms to his sinewy arms. Kyungsoo won’t mention that maybe he’s noticed how Lu Han is thick in all the right places, his thighs, his biceps, the sturdy shape of his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, sympathetic, a hand squeezing at Kyungsoo’s shoulder, comforting. Kyungsoo presses back into the touch, lets himself have this, just this once, only a little upset by how much he enjoys it when Lu Han hugs him from behind, chin hooking over his shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo assures. “It’ll be almost three years soon. You have to move on eventually.” The tears sting at his eyes before he can tell them _no_ , but his resolve is still stronger than he thinks, willing them away. 

“I think she’d be really proud of you,” Lu Han murmurs, voice hushed as it nestles into Kyungsoo’s heart, soothing the cuts and scrapes. 

“I think,” Kyungsoo starts, licking away the dryness of his lips, swallowing down his fear, “that she’d really like you.”

“Yeah?” Lu Han squeezes him a little tighter, warm and solid and dreamlike. Kyungsoo should have opened the shop half an hour ago, but his heart’s all crosswired.

“Yeah.”

 

✿

 

Chanyeol’s late, and it’s annoying. Kyungsoo doesn't have a long lunch break, he can’t just close the shop down. He has about one hundred mini roses to plant into mini-pots for a wedding reception, and three anniversary arrangements to put together. All before the day’s end. Business was getting busier and in all honesty, an extra set of hands would be rather helpful.

His phone vibrates, the sinking feeling in his gut is far more upsetting than what he reads in the text message. _im so sorry, soo. theres a complication w sunyoung. i cant make it._

 _raincheck pls?_ he types back, knows that he can’t be mad. There’s something anticlimactic about all this. He’s not nearly as upset, just irritated, and even that feels unjustified now. 

_i owe you hanu_

He sighs, rubbing at his face, before waving down the waiter. “Could I get the gimbap to go?”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiles, coming back in a few minutes later with a clear bag and two containers. Kyungsoo overtips him but he wants to leave the small restaurant, forget his change.

 

✿

 

Kyungsoo calls Junmyeon on instinct alone, and he has this horrifying feeling that if Lu Han’s number had been in his contacts, Kyungsoo would have called him instead. The thought is shoved aside, locked up in a chest of Feelings Kyungsoo Doesn’t Want To Deal With.

“Hello?” Junmyeon answers, sounding as cheerful and calm as ever. Kyungsoo didn’t like bothering him, knew that running his father’s company wasn’t easy but needless to say, he needed someone who would stop telling him to pussyfooting around. Jongdae could run his mouth endlessly but he treated Kyungsoo a little delicately since his mother’s passing, like he couldn’t be confronted with the shit he was too chicken to tackle himself. Even Kyungsoo needed a wakeup call.

“You have some time for lunch with an old friend?” Kyungsoo asks, swinging the plastic bag in his hand back and forth.

“You’re not that old, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon chides, laughing when Kyungsoo snorts over the line.

“Glad to hear you’re still as lame as ever.”

“No point changing what’s perfect,” Junmyeon points out. Kyungsoo wonders what he’s doing on the other end, if he’s standing at an intersection like Kyungsoo is, waiting to cross. No, he was probably sitting at his desk, swamped with paperwork.

“I’ll be at the shop in fifteen,” he adds. “I’m starving.”

“I can’t promise the food’s that spectacular.”

“Good company is always more fulfilling,” Junmyeon says, and really, Kyungsoo shouldn’t have expected anything else. It was no wonder Junmyeon’s father had been so sure that he’d do well helping to run the company. 

“Smooth, Kim.”

“And yet, I still haven’t been able to find a girlfriend.”

“They must have seen your face.”

“Or my work schedule,” Junmyeon whines. “I’m heading out, wait for me.”

 

✿

 

“You do have a tendency to fall for the pretty, funny types,” Junmyeon says around a mouthful of the gyeongdan Kyungsoo had bought along the way back to the shop. Kyungsoo wonders if any of his friends were taught not to talk with their mouthful. He’d explained the whole Lu Han thing in the vaguest way possible but Junmyeon had a tendency to see right through him. Under different circumstances, Kyungsoo would have found it annoying, but he doesn’t really want to spell anything out. That involved being truthful with himself.

“What about Chanyeol is pretty? And how do you know Lu Han’s funny _or_ pretty.”

“You do know that Jongdae is my best friend first, right?”

“I’m gonna cut his fucking tongue out,” Kyungsoo hisses, shoving a piece of gimbap into his mouth. Junmyeon looks mildly amused, taking a gulp of the vitamin water he’d brought along. Always with the vitamins.

“Stop being so terrified of liking people,” Junmyeon scolds, the furrow in his brow a little like Kyungsoo’s mother’s, when she was disappointed with him. It cuts deeper than it should, he wishes he could have called her instead.

“The first time didn’t go so well,” Kyungsoo mumbles. He knows that if he didn’t have so much respect for Junmyeon, this would never work, and he’s almost thankful for it.

“If I recall correctly, the first person you ever liked was that Bang Minah girl. You told me you let her braid your hair once. That does sound quite unfortunate.”

“What possessed me to ask you for advice?” Kyungsoo says, more to himself. “You know what I mean.”

“Look, Chanyeol’s your best friend, and unfortunately he’s dating someone. You can’t spend the rest of your life feeling miserable over that. Your hair will go white by the time you’re 30,” Junmyeon says, using his best authoritative voice. Kyungsoo wonders how well that works on the executives in the boardroom but doesn’t question Junmyeon over the matter.

“Stop being so right all the time. That’s my job,” Kyungsoo sighs, staring at his gimbap, appetite entirely gone.

 

✿

 

Kyungsoo leaves the shop door unlocked now, until Lu Han shows up and slips inside. He tries the sneak up on Kyungsoo sometimes but the chime at the door always alerts Kyungsoo to his presence. If anything, Lu Han is the one who’s easily susceptible to a good scar, not Kyungsoo. He’d vaulted three feet in the air when Kyungsoo had jumped out from behind a corner wearing a scary mask, fake blood dripping down the mask’s face for Halloween.

The coffee had gone to waste but Kyungsoo still thinks it was entirely worth it.

“Good morning,” Lu Han calls into the store, a little red around the edges from the cold. Kyungsoo wanted to scold him for not wearing a scarf but he holds his tongue. There was something a little off about Lu Han, a nervous air about him.

“Hey, how’re you?” Kyungsoo asks, spritzing water over the cacti and aloe. Lu Han wanders over to him, handing him a cup. Kyungsoo had made the mistake of drinking out of Lu Han’s once, the concoction of vanilla and hazelnut too sweet for him. He couldn’t even taste the espresso in the latte.

“I’m good,” Lu Han smiles but there are dark circles under his eyes, the sort that Kyungsoo had carried around once upon a time. Kyungsoo guides him over to the stool he’s set out for Lu Han every morning for over a month now, pushing him into place.

“Did you even sleep last night?” Kyungsoo takes the latte out of Lu Han’s hand and hands him his Americano.

“I had to work on a manuscript,” Lu Han mumbles, stifling a yawn. He takes a sip of the Americano, making a face at the bitterness.

“You should have slept in then, not come here to see me,” Kyungsoo berates. “And stop wandering around outside without a scarf on, you’ll catch a cold.” He’s grabbed his own dark green scarf in the meantime, wrapping it around Lu Han’s neck. There’s a shiver in his shoulders, tremors sneaking down to his feet. Kyungsoo knows he’s cold. Lu Han only hides his face in the folds of the scarf, the fond look in his eyes squeezing at Kyungsoo’s heart.

“Wouldn’t you have wondered why I didn’t show up today?” Lu Han sounds a little terrified, like that first time when he’d introduced himself, and Kyungsoo realises that he is shy, that behind all the bravado, he’s terrified of being rejected, forgotten. It twists at his heart, painstakingly so, and Kyungsoo wants to wrap him up in a hug.

“You could have just called me, it’s not like I would have been mad.” Kyungsoo lets his hands rest on Lu Han’s knees, lets himself run a hand through Lu Han’s hair. There’s a burning desire to comfort Lu Han right now, but Kyungsoo is one boundary after the other and not even Lu Han can get him to burn that maze down.

“I don’t have your number,” Lu Han accuses, hand finding Kyungsoo’s on his knee. Kyungsoo watches as Lu Han laces his fingers into Kyungsoo, a look of wonderment on his features. “You never gave it to me.”

“You should have asked.” Kyungsoo’s voice is barely above a whisper, he doesn’t know if he can handle looking up, meeting Lu Han’s eyes.

“I have to do all the asking, huh,” Lu Han murmurs, voice like honey. Kyungsoo’s never liked sweet things much but Lu Han is sticking to him, washing over his palette until he settles like hot chocolate in the pit of his stomach.

 _You can’t spend the rest of your life feeling miserable,_ Junmyeon’s voice reminds him. Chanyeol wasn’t meant to be his but...

“Does it, does it ever get lonely, all by yourself?” Lu Han asks abruptly. He’s not looking at Kyungsoo but rather his scruffed up sneakers. The suit and tie Lu Han wore sometimes was reserved for special occasions, Kyungsoo had discovered. Lu Han lived in comfy looking hoodies and jeans. Maybe Kyungsoo did have a type.

“A little,” Kyungsoo answers, truthful. “Is that why you come by, to keep me company.”

“You should let me keep you company outside of the shop, too,” Lu Han says, voice quivering as he finally looks up at Kyungsoo. His cheeks are blotched red, nearly the colour of the tulips he keeps insisting on buying to keep at his desk. _I want a reminder of you to keep with me,_ he’d told Kyungsoo once. Kyungsoo had nearly asked him what reminder Lu Han was going to give of himself, but he’d caught himself, aware that he already carried Lu Han’s smile with himself everywhere.

“That doesn’t sound all that bad,” Kyungsoo breathes, swallowing down his nerves. “Are you free tomorrow night?”

The smile that bursts forward from Lu Han is unlike anything Kyungsoo’s ever seen, and he feels wholly unprepared, entirely unworthy, even though he already knows he wants it all to himself. “Yes. I’m always free for you.”

Kyungsoo knows he probably looks like a moron right now, the heat in his face rivaling the strain in his cheeks but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything except the radiance coming off of Lu Han in waves, crashing into Kyungsoo’s heart until he’s sure that it’s been carried away.

 

✿

 

Lu Han dresses to impress, showing up at Kyungsoo’s apartment door with a box of dark chocolates and a crisp, pale blue button-up, the collar of which is firmly pressed down. He’s tucked into a pair of black slacks that hug his thighs in all the right places, and paired everything off with a pair of sleek, black dress shoes. Kyungsoo wants to call him a nerd but he’s definitely the more stylishly inept between the two of them. 

They hang by Kyungsoo’s door like two awkward highschoolers, before Kyungsoo clears his throat, finished with his once over. “You look good. Very, um, handsome.”

“You definitely look better,” Lu Han insists, blushing. Kyungsoo notices he’s got a cross in one ear, the piercing new. He’s about to ask why he’s never seen it before when Lu Han leans in, and kisses the corner of his mouth. It’s over as quickly as it started and Kyungsoo’s left standing dumbfounded.

“I thought you were supposed to wait until after the date for that,” Kyungsoo finally manages, stepping out of his apartment to lock the door behind him. He takes the box of chocolates from Lu Han, carefully holding them under his arm.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll have to wait another month before you actually let me kiss you,” Lu Han hums, sneaking his hands into Kyungsoo’s. There’s no one else in the hallway so Kyungsoo lets it slide, lets Lu Han walk him to the elevator, leaning into Kyungsoo the entire walk.

“Am I that difficult?” Kyungsoo needles, tugging Lu Han into the elevator. He likes how warm Lu Han’s hand is, hopes that Lu Han isn’t grossed out by how sweaty his hand is but Lu Han’s the one who tightens his grip, as if afraid that Kyungsoo will pull away.

“No,” Lu Han answers. “You’re just right.”

Kyungsoo thinks he might burst open like a balloon filled with confetti but he breathes instead, steadying the quickness of his heartbeat. It’s only a date. With Lu Han.

Lu Han takes him to a classy place, the atmosphere relaxed, lighting dim. Kyungsoo leaves the box of chocolate behind in Lu Han’s car, thinks about sharing them with Lu Han on his couch, on his bed. His mind’s wandering and it’s not until Lu Han taps his foot underneath the table that he notices the waitress standing beside their table.

“Sorry, did you want a drink, sir?” she asks, smile polite.

“Um,” he starts, glancing at Lu Han. “Just some water for now.”

“Of course. I’ll be back in to take your orders,” she tells them, leaving two sets of menus behind. Lu Han’s humming in front of him, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, just below the elbow. Kyungsoo’s breath catches and this is definitely not fair. He never did this to Lu Han. Kyungsoo can’t help but follow the veins, thinking that no one person should be allowed such attractive arms. _You didn’t even care about arms until Lu Han,_ Jongdae’s voice tells him smugly.

“You okay, you look a little pale.” Lu Han’s voice breaks through the collusion of this thoughts. He’s leaning in, concerned, maybe a little worried. Kyungsoo shakes his head, reaching forward to brush Lu Han’s bangs out of his eyes.

“I’m fine, I swear,” Kyungsoo assures, smiling as warmly as he can. He needed to focus, not daydream.

Lu Han catches his fingers in his own, giving them a squeeze before letting go. He returns the smile, eyes bright, kind. Kyungsoo wonders what Lu Han saw in him, why he had noticed him. Lu Han tugs him out of his state of quiet, conversation running from what they were going to eat to explaining what the latest novel he was translating was about. Kyungsoo listened attentively, wrapped up in Lu Han’s enthusiasm.

Their food comes with an unordered appetiser in the form of Chanyeol and Sehun, who lingers behind Chanyeol as Chanyeol bounds up to the table. “Kyungsoo! Hey!”

For a moment Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do, how to navigate the tidal waves rocking his life raft around from every which way. “C-Chanyeol?”

“What’re you even -- oh hey, sorry, I’m interrupting, aren’t I?” Chanyeol backtracks, glancing at Lu Han. He looks confused for a moment, brow furrowed and Kyungsoo knows he’s trying to remember where he saw Lu Han last.

“No, I mean, sort of,” Kyungsoo tries. This was definitely not how he imagined Lu Han meeting Chanyeol. This was a disaster. “We were just having dinner.” Nothing is coming out how he wants it to, and Kyungsoo can’t even brave a look over at Lu Han, doesn’t want to know what he looks like.

“Sorry, Lu Han, this is Chanyeol, my best friend, and that’s his boyfriend, Sehun,” Kyungsoo tries again, flickering his eyes toward Lu Han. There’s something unreadable in his expression that he masks with a smile, extending a hand toward Chanyeol. “Chanyeol, Sehun, this is Lu Han.”

He wants to add, _my date_ , but he’s not sure if he’s allowed. Then again, Lu Han’s been pretty clear about his investment here. Kyungsoo’s the one dilly dallying.

“Nice to meet you,” Lu Han says warmly, the tone steadying Kyungsoo’s heart. Maybe this wasn’t going horribly. Maybe that was just him.

“Yeah same,” Chanyeol smiles. He reaches down and ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair, followed by a quick hug but it’s just an excuse to whisper something in Kyungsoo’s ear. “He was at the shop, right?”

Kyungsoo nods at the question, Lu Han’s expression curious as he watches Kyungsoo. “Well, I don’t want to intrude on your _date_ ,” Chanyeol laughs, looking happy for Kyungsoo. 

“It’s not a date,” Kyungsoo blurts, eyes widening seconds after the admission comes out of his mouth. He wants to take it back immediately but Lu Han’s look of hurt lasts for a millisecond, covered up by a tight lipped smile.

“Yeah, we’re just friends,” Lu Han adds. Kyungsoo’s fucked up. He’s fucked up so bad and why, _why_ did Chanyeol have to fucking show up?

“Uh…” Chanyeol looks between the two of them, taking a step back, Sehun’s fingers gripping his bicep to pull him back further.

“I’m really sorry we interrupted your dinner,” Sehun apologies. “Please have a goodnight. It was nice to see you, Kyungsoo-hyung.”

“You, you too,” Kyungsoo mumbles back. The second Chanyeol and Sehun are out of sight, Lu Han stands up. He looks angry, something Kyungsoo has never seen him wear, and he can’t say he likes it. Especially not directed at him.

“I’m sorry I wasted your time, Kyungsoo-sshi,” Lu Han says acidly, throwing his napkin down on his incomplete dinner before storming away.

Kyungsoo acts quicker than he expects himself too, feet like lead as he chases after Lu Han, barely grabbing his arm as Lu Han exits the restaurant. “Lu Han, wait. Wait, I, Chanyeol -- I used to, I liked him for so long. It was a mistake, it slipped out, I swear.”

“I...I don’t know why I thought I was special,” Lu Han laughs, hollow and self-deprecating. Kyungsoo can’t even move, horror-stuck as Lu Han yanks his arm out of Kyungsoo’s grip, turning toward the parking lot. “You could have just _told_ me, that you…”

“I’m sorry, I’m --”

“Just, _forget_ it,” Lu Han interjects, defeated. Kyungsoo finds himself standing, alone, in front of the restaurant, watching Lu Han’s back disappear into the night. Bile rises up his throat, burning, but Kyungsoo deserves it. He deserves worse.

In that moment, Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ever felt so lonely.

 

✿

 

Kyungsoo’s on the verge of tears, hasn’t been brought to this point in a while now, and it just figures that Chanyeol is the one hovering over him, big eyes filled with concerned. _Can you please leave?_ Kyungsoo wants to say but he doesn’t trust his own voice right now.

“What just...Kyungsoo, hey, are you alright? I’ll break that guy’s fucking face if he hurt you,” Chanyeol promises, hands reaching to grasp Kyungsoo by the shoulders. Kyungsoo can see Sehun’s silhouette in the background, talking to the waitress in the restaurant. He wants to tell Chanyeol to go home with his perfect boyfriend, to leave him alone but his head’s still swimming.

“You can’t even kill a fly,” Kyungsoo finally says, the sound of his voice something between a choke and a laugh. It’s horrible. Everything was fuckig horrible. Kyungsoo doesn’t even understand when he started to like Lu Han _this_ much, so much that even when Chanyeol envelops him into a hug, it’s not awful like it has been. There’s no sinking feeling in his stomach, no stabbing pain in his chest. Just the hollowness of hurting Lu Han, the quiver in his breath as he replays Lu Han’s words, laced with sadness.

“What happened?” Chanyeol asks, quiet, soothing. Kyungsoo had always liked the deep timbre of his voice, the way it could lull Kyungsoo into calmness. It’s not the same.

“I fucked up,” Kyungsoo answers, heart beating so loud in his ears that he’s not sure if he’s actually said the words out loud.

“If there’s one thing I know about Do Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says, “it’s that he can fix anything.”

“What have I ever fixed?” Kyungsoo mutters, tears slipping past his eyes despite how hard he’s fighting against them. He hated himself so much right now, hated how fucking _stupid_ he was.

“Lots of things, you fixed me up when Park Sandra told me I wasn’t good enough for her; you made me realise I could actually, really, be a doctor, that I wouldn’t stumble over my own two feet in the attempt. You held me together when Sehun and I had our first big fight,” Chanyeol lists off, and Kyungsoo’s not sure if this is supposed to make him feel worse or better. His motivations may have changed somewhere along the way.

“And even though,” Chanyeol adds, “even though you liked me, you never once stopped being my best friend.”

Kyungsoo’s heart stops, the bile from earlier shooting up, and it’s luck that he shoves Chanyeol away in time to throw up the contents of his stomach. Thankfully it’s mostly water, Kyungsoo’s stomach empty of food. The nervous stress of a date had kept him from eating all day.

“That’s pretty gross, man,” Chanyeol offers, eloquent as always. Kyungsoo straightens out, furious, and unsure where to direct that anger. Himself, Chanyeol, the world for making his life so fucking difficult.

“You _knew_ ,” Kyungsoo exhales, the telltale signs of a headache already there. He was going to go home and knock himself out with cold medication.

“Come on, I’m not that dumb,” Chanyeol says.

“He is, actually,” Sehun pipes in. “I sort of pointed it out to him.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathes, shame colouring his face red. He’d been that obvious then. Disgust burns hot against his abdomen, disgust and fury.

“I was kind of jealous,” Sehun explains, stepping over the contents of Kyungsoo’s stomach to stand next to Chanyeol. “But I knew Chanyeol would pick his best friend over me.”

“He shouldn’t. His best friend’s a dumbass,” Kyungsoo mutters. He was going to have to make this all up to Sehun, all the cold shouldering, the less than friendly remarks. Sehun was a much better man than Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol laughs, grabbing Kyungsoo by the shoulders. “He is, but you don’t just throw a diamond away. Now, we have more pressing concerns than your prehistoric crush on me.”

 

✿

 

Finding Lu Han’s address takes Kyungsoo three days. He’s one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t have been able to on his own, thankful that his friends had pulled all their resources together to find it for him. Junmyeon, apparently, knew someone who worked at Lu Han’s company and sweet-talked her into finding it. Jongdae claims the story went a little differently but Junmyeon had shoved a lettuce roll into his mouth before he could say anything else.

“You can do this,” Kyungsoo tells himself, staring at Lu Han’s apartment door. 

“Seriously, will you fucking knock on the door. I called in sick to drive you here,” Jongdae grumbles, staring Kyungsoo down.

“Did I ask you to call in sick?” Kyungsoo cuts back, glaring.

“When do you ever _ask_ for anything?” Jongdae sighs, exasperated. “People have to force their kindness onto you before you get a fucking clue. God, here.”

Before Kyungsoo can stop him, Jongdae knocks on the door, incredibly loud before shooting Kyungsoo a thumbs up and disappearing down the hall. Kyungsoo’s going to kill him later, but right now he has other mountains to climb.

The door opens and Kyungsoo comes face to face with a bed-head ridden, unshaven Lu han. Kyungsoo isn’t even a little bit deterred, in fact he thinks he might actually like the soy sauce stain on Lu Han’s white crewneck, and the boxers with Donald the Duck on them.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo breathes, clutching the bouquet of tulips in his hand as hard as he can. There’s a coffee cup in the other, the cheesiness of his actions not lost on Kyungsoo.

Lu Han doesn’t slam the door in his face like Kyungsoo had anticipated, he almost looks happy to see Kyungsoo. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

“I brought you coffee,” he begins, offering the cup to Lu Han, who takes it gingerly, ensuring zero contact between Kyungsoo’s hand and his own. “And some, uh, the tulips. That you…” 

_Liked_ , Kyungsoo’s mind finishes for him. Lu Han had never mentioned what type of flower was his actual favourite. But he takes the flowers too, staring at Kyungsoo, waiting. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to do this standing in a hallway, but it’s now or never, and Lu Han isn’t someone he wants to lose.

“When my mother died, Chanyeol was the reason I didn’t just lock myself up in my room and gIve up on everything. I never really...I don’t like people very easily, it takes me time, but in that year of Chanyeol somehow managing to make time for me between university and all his father’s expectations, I fell in love. I’m pretty unlucky though, because he started dating Sehun before I could even muster up the courage to tell him.

But then this guy started showing up at my shop, and he just kept coming back, day in and day out, and I didn’t understand _why_. I didn’t want to like someone else, not when everything else in my life felt like I’d fucked up.” Kyungsoo pauses, voice quivering. Lu Han’s taken a step forward, stuck the things in his hand on the small table he keeps in his foyer.

“Except,” he breathes, continuing, “this guy was better than anything I could have wished up, not that I...daydream about...you know but, I mean, what I’m trying to say is that I really, really, _really_ like you. Even if you are an organ harvester. I’m pretty sure I’d willingly give you mine at this point.”

Lu Han laughs, covering his mouth with a hand, and Kyungsoo doesn’t put up a fight when he grabs Kyungsoo by the front of his t-shirt, pulling him in hard. Lu Han’s mouth tastes like morning breath, maybe a little bit like shrimp crackers, but Kyungsoo doesn’t _care_ , thinks it’s the best damn morning breath he’s ever smelled. He wraps his arms around Lu Han tight, and they stumble back until Lu Han hits the table, the sound of something hitting the floor masking the mantra of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” coming from Kyungsoo’s lips as he kisses and kisses and kisses Lu Han.

Lu Han’s the one who breaks away first, one foot in the latte Kyungsoo brought him, the contents of which were now decorating the floor. He doesn’t seem to care, smiling stupidly at Kyungsoo. “I really, really, _really_ like you, too.”

 

✿

 

The first thing Kyungsoo does the next morning is hang a “Help Wanted” sign in his front window.


End file.
